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The Pleasure and Pain of Being Disabled in the BDSM Community

Updated: Mar 21, 2019



However, the actual world of BDSM has long been populated by people of all levels of ability—from those with visible conditions like paralysis to invisible conditions like chronic pain or fatigue, as well as mental conditions like PTSD. For many people with disabilities, BDSM is just one facet of life in which they have learned to accommodate their differences. For others, kink is a powerful tool for managing their disability: controlling pain, inverting social dynamics, and achieving new levels of comfort with and communication about their disabilities and needs.

Many major kink sites and organizations now offer public workshops on how to navigate disability in BDSM play and relationships. But relative to the incredible diversity of disabilities and the nearly infinite variations of kink, the intersection of BDSM and disability has received shockingly little attention, even within the kink world.

Why is this so? We humans tend to use rationales to govern our behavior. For instance, “They are better off if …”, “you/those people”, or the oldie but goodie, “Those people are evil therefore …”. These are some of the rationales we use to handle differences in individuals. Instead of doing this we would better off being reasonable and placing everyone on the same playing field. Where an individual can in fact, earn our respect without being pre-judged. No one said you must become a brother or Sister to them. I am merely stating that everyone should get a fair opportunity to earn your respect. With that we must expect them to succeed in earning your respect rather than failing. If we do the latter, we are pre-judging falling Vitim to “this type of person” will fail. We must break this cycle.

Being a Dominate I seek out the local Fetlife, lifestyle group. To order grow myself within the lifestyle. At first, I kept it light to get to know them to be social then the other things will fall in place. Yet, being in powerchair and look “different”, I was ignored completely and utterly. Then, I was out right told to just look online in an essence we do not want “such people” as you here. In my opinion, this is a weak, almost child-like behavior for a supposed advanced society as ours.

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